HOG 2001 - St Tropez, France
Our route is shown on the map, starting out on Sunday 13th May 2001 - Day 1 and returning on Thursday 24th May - Day 12.

Day 1 - Sunday 13th May

We all meet at the Chevening services on the M25 at 08:00 for breakfast, then arrive at Ashford Eurotunnel at 10:00, in Calais at 12:00 - easy. 

Tony casually mentions that his back brake don't work.  OK, no problem - spanners Steve and Dano fix Tony's brake, while Rob (the SAS storm-trooper - right) and René smoke fags on the filling station forecourt (an act to be repeated throughout France - which it appears is only natural to the locals).  Apart from taking-on fuel and fixing broken bits, the other regular stop is to fuel Dano (left) on strong coffee.

First night is in Chalons-en-Champagne.  Dano finds a hotel where the owner rides a Harley (naturally) and recommends a great restaurant.  We're all still in boiled beef and carrots mode, so Dano orders 5 starters, including pate de foie gras plus of course a bottle of Champagne and introduces the group to le gourmandise de la France. 

Day 2 - Monday 14th May

Up at 06:00, engines running by 07:00, the Road Captain leads us off in a high speed blast to lake Geneva, Switzerland - Lausanne to be precise.  

Splutter, stop goes Tony's Ultra Classic (aka The Queen Mary - see picture on right).  spanners Steve & Dano f**k around with it for a while and POP there she goes - definitely a bad connection to the relay - a 5 minute or one mile (whichever the earlier) warranty is given by spanner Steve and we're on our way again.

17:00 Tea is taken at a very posh place on the lake while we peer at the gun-metal sky in the mountains where a thunderstorm is sparking and barking at us.  Road Captain Steve declares, we're going on into them thar mountains tonight.

Mutter, fire-up and we're off ......... splutter, stop, rain starts and guess what?  Tony's, we've fixed it once, we've fixed it twice, Ultra f**king Classic has stopped AGAIN.

René is sent to search for an affordable hotel (in Lausanne for Chrissake!).  He stops a local biker who suggests the find of Lausanne - right in the centre, you'll never find it, it's run by an old lady of 78 years young and yes, she'd love to have 6 strapping bikers come stay with her. The gang of six double-up in 3 rooms - the absence of women being obvious as room-mates begin to look more attractive by the minute!

Day 3 - Tuesday 15th May

Tony goes to the local Harley dealer with a personal black cloud over his head, while the group of now 5 set off to the mountains to find that cloud they saw yesterday evening to cover their heads - oh, and of course it's already raining.  

Pretty soon the sun shines and we stop at some little one horse (one mountain-goat actually) town.  We hear that Tony is on the road again and catching us up - nothing to do but chill for a while and order a swimming-pool sized cheese fondue, which is eaten at the pace of a shark feeding frenzy.

The mountain scenery is gob-smackingly beautiful and has been all the way to and around lake Geneva.  We're going to do 3 countries this day - Switzerland, Italy and on into France.  Up mountains, over the St. Bernard pass, on to Val d'Isere.

As we head for the St Bernard pass, locals give directions and look at us as if we're mad (mad dogs and Englishmen?).  We get to the point where the winter route through the tunnel splits with the mountain route that we so desperately want to take, but red "ferme" signs give us the bad news - the mountain road is closed.  Mad dogs Steve and Dano decide to go for it anyway - what's a little snow, frostbite etc. to a hardened all-weather biker? (And check out Steve getting into his thermals - see picture)  Kings Road biker René of the lowrider show-bike and slippers persuasion hauls the tunnel route with the others, to be joined 5 minutes later by our intrepid heroes - two snow-cats and a barrier across the mountain road is how the locals deal with mad dogs and Englishmen.

But never mind, Steve sets the ride off up another mountain pass to Val d'Isere.  Isn't that a skiing resort? i.e. lots of snow - we all ask?  No! - Road Captain Steve knows a woman there (what a surprise!) and she says the pass is definitely open.  30 miles of fantastic switchback riding up the mountain later (and it is by now late in the day and raining) and guess what?  The two intrepid hero thing is about to happen again when the local police explain the pass is totally closed by a fresh fall of snow.

OK so we press on to Torino out of the mountains on the Italian side.  Ever see the movie "Tron"?  A 10+ mile long tunnel, absolutely straight, flashing every few miles briefly into the open between mountains - done at 100+ mph it's like the Tron run - fantastic, no bloody FANTASTIC!!!

Days 4 to 8 - Wednesday 16th to Sunday 20th May

The Italian sunshine sees us into a little one-horse (no goat) town for coffee.  The local police force (a cop) is out to impress the townsfolk so he moves on the bike gang and makes us park not in front of the cafe but in the totally empty motorcycle bay that is clearly not used at all some 20 yards away.  Having protected the locals from a fate worse than death, he joins us for a quick photo opportunity over coffee.

And we're off - for about 200 yards when Steve's Dyna Wide Glide throws it's drive belt.  5 hours later with mobile phone bills that would buy a new bike, and between the RAC Recovery and HOG Assist services (what service?),  Steve and bike are thrown on a truck by an Italian breakdown guy who it turns out must be practicing for the following weekend's F1 race at Monaco.  Steve and bike are shaken and stirred en route to St. Tropez, while the rest enjoy another great ride.

The following picture gallery picks up the story of 4 glorious days in St. Tropez (actually, near Port Grimaud, and St. Maxime).

The story would be totally incomplete if we did not mention the biker babes from Dijon - two French chicks on a 1200 Sportster.

Harleys in St. Tropez	Lunch in St. Tropez	Jane goes yacht hunting
Our villa	Steve's new helmet	Cheryl likes Stev's helmet
Dinner in the mountains	Dano relaxing	Rob in Monaco
Paul looking in charge	Steve - a rare but hearty smile	Rene with a tan - or rust?
Lost in France	Tony takes the occasional beer	Tracker Dan

Lessons learned

1. French bikers are a friendly lot.  Oncoming bikers acknowledge all other bikers with a waive of the left hand - clearly they spend years learning to smoke Gitanes and perfecting the coolest looking waive.  Overtaking bikers stick their right foot out - simple stuff but how often do British bikers steam past one another with no recognition?

2. French car drivers make room for bikers, readily pulling over in traffic to let us filter through.

3. French car drivers, especially those in Renault Lagunas, still do their best to knock you off your pride and joy.

4. Breaking down will kill about 4-5 hours while the simple and helpful emergency procedure you're expecting turns out to be a frustrating negotiation (that was our experience with both the RAC and HOG Assist).  A tip is not to accept the word of the local call centre or assistance if you think your contract should give more - phone the UK and explain the problem - this worked with both services.